crush me, i’m broken

listen. listen. listen.

closely. intensely.

because every swear word that you hear, they might be a cry for help. they might be screams of, “please, please, please, take me away from here.

please, please, please, i can’t take this anymore.”

you might not understand their pains; their sorrows. but who said they need someone who understands? because at times, they just need to be reminded that someone’s there. that they’re not alone. that whatever they’re going through, they’re not facing it in solitude.

hey, you, i know it’s never easy. because you have your pains, you have your sorrows. but why do you get to tell them all your misery when you left them agonized thinking that you don’t care?

listen. listen. listen.

closely. intensely.

because they’ve been trying to get your attention for so long time now, and not even once did you acknowledge them.

because you keep letting them think that they’re faking it.

you might not understand their pains; their misery. but what right do you have to tell them that they’re not in pain; when you’re not even there for them? you don’t see them. you don’t even try to pretend to care.

hey, you, how blind can you be? how far would you run from your past mistakes? what would it take for you to admit it to yourself that it’s your fault without making them feeling victimized about that? because you can be so self-centered sometimes.

listen. listen. listen.

listen ’til your ears bleed.

because otherwise, you wouldn’t hear a thing.

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kata saya:

another happy day (2011) adalah–oke, saya udah nge-link imdb-nya saya nggak perlu jelasin kronologis kejadian film itu–film yang mungkin saya ambil di internet hanya karena ada namanya ezra miller di situ. sue me, i like his face. oke, just found out that he’s jewish and gay and how am i always fall for that type? like, i don’t know i have a type? but apparently some of public figure that i like kind of like that? my character education teacher will be sooooo disappointed in me.

satu-satunya penyesalan saya ketika nonton film ini adalah saya nonton setelah saya tau sepenggal tentang mental illnesses. yep, sepenggal. dan semua orang juga tau pengetahuan yang cuma sepenggal itu kadang justru berbahaya. saya tau dari sumber ini dan itu kalo penyakit ini dan itu begini dan begitu. dan itu membuat feel yang biasanya terasa nanggung jadi berasa banget. semacam… saya yakin saya nggak akan bawling kayak lagi nonton film tragedi dan korea kalo saya nggak 80% yakin kalo selama ini saya pura-pura depresi.

ketika naskah ini diketik, saya masih nggak berani cari tau apa itu depresi tipe a karena saya hampir yakin kalo saya tau saya pasti makin parah pura-pura depresinya.

oh, dan film ini dengan jelas menggambarkan bagaimana manusia yang tidak mengerti masih menganggap kalau sakit jiwa itu cuma cari perhatian. well, ini dibuat taun 2011 jadi saya semacam berharap dunia sudah semacam agak tumbuh dari masa itu. we can only hope, right?